Mary Dawson

OMG, where do I start? This is a hard thing to do, putting this down on paper. I’m already shedding a few tears. Wanting to cuddle the old me and tell myself, "See, you can do it, you just need to be in the right place with the right people." And tell myself, "You are worth it." But everything in life isn’t easy, and yes, I’m worth fighting for. One step at a time. I was the laziest person you'd ever meet, and that's not easy to say. I was a robot, did what I had to do for my family and work, but not for me. I was getting so big and finding basic things hard to do.

When I realised that it was affecting my mental health as well, that was when I knew I had to change and do something about it for me. But I was so embarrassed of who I had become, not thinking about it was the way I could cope. So, I was blocking out my feelings, etc., so I could just survive. No looking in the mirror, no photos to be taken, no clothes shopping. Just wearing oversized clothes, hoping people couldn't see what I was underneath. I haven’t been in a dress for 30 years or more. I would love to have the confidence to put my hair up or go for a swim and feel normal, like I fit in and be happy in myself for real, not just putting on the front, but finally be happy, free. I’m good at my job, being a wife and a mum, but when it comes to taking care of me, not so much. So now, it's time for me so I can be an even better version of myself.

So I made a phone call to Vision. I saw them on Facebook; they had real people in their ad. That’s a good start for me. But my insecurities came in. What will people say, think about me? Look at her, how could she get that big? Look at her clothes? So, finally, in September, I did it. I got in touch with Vision PT Wollongong. It was hard, I mean, really hard to do it. But it’s the best thing I have ever done. For once, it’s about me. Now, after 5 months of being at this community, I don’t know why I never did this earlier. But I was in such a rut; my business consumed me, and I was loving my job. But the more I sat on the chair for 12 hours a day and got bigger and lazier as I was drained from work mentally, so depression and anxiety had set in.

So starting Vision slowly by just walking first for a few times a week for a few months with Jack, my trainer, until he got my weight down a bit and got my confidence up to enter the gym. I’d even meet him out the front so not wanting to be inside. That place I could never imagine me being at. Then Jack even started me in my own room learning moves so I could gain more confidence then finally go inside to the group. What a bunch of amazing trainers and humans I met. I did not feel intimidated at all, which totally surprised me.

After quite a few one-on-one sessions with Jack, I went to one of their group classes, which was terrifying for me. But on that day, the clients there made me feel so comfortable. Not judgment at all. I’m sure I looked scared, but once I settled, I looked at the other clients; they were so lovely and real. Some of them were amazing at the things they could do. All ages, all shapes, and sizes. And one of them even said to me, "We are all here for the same thing; we all started as the newbie, so just keep moving, just do what you can do, you’re here, that’s what counts."

To be honest, I was in and out of the bed that morning ten times, going not going, but I did it. So proud of myself for that. I must have and still probably do look like a chook with its head cut off running around trying to do the correct moves, but not once did anyone look at me like, "What’s she doing?" Instead, I was helped and told the correct way. The encouragement they gave me was wonderful. That day I texted Jack on the way home to tell him I did it. He had no idea I was going to go, as I didn’t think I could or would, and to say thank you for being you. I was matched with the right person to be my PT.

Without Jack, I know I would not be here doing what I am capable of doing. I now have a saying, if Jack says it, I will do it. He keeps me accountable for what I’m doing. He encourages me and says, "You can’t do it, I know you can." I’m doing it for me, and to be honest, for him, as to say thanks for believing in me.

Now, nearly 5 months on, I go to the PT sessions and group classes happy, and when I leave, even happier, losing the weight and doing things I could never do. Walking and really enjoying walking outside. Sitting on a chair, not worried if it’s going to break, getting on a plane knowing the seat belt will fit and pulling it in more than before, small things that mean the world to me. So, if you are in that place and want to start, and you are a bit or a lot scared to take that step, do it, your life will start, and you are worth it.